Gaining more self-respect from others has to start with an honest reflection of how much you respect yourself. Evidence of how much you respect yourself comes in many different forms, but today’s post speaks to the foundation of self-respect; boundaries. Setting boundaries and boundary violation is a very common thread of discussion much throughout my self-mastery coaching sessions.
Setting clear and mature boundaries with ourselves as well as others is imperative to gaining self-respect, feeling well nourished, and overall happiness.
A boundary is a limit that promotes integrity and protects you by allowing you to feel safe. You must be aware that there are two types of boundaries: physical boundaries and emotional boundaries.
Healthy boundaries come from your conscious awareness of the distinction between you and the people whom you share your life. When someone trespasses your boundaries by thoughtless or intrusive actions these actions are called… BOUNDARY VIOLATIONS.
A physical boundary violation is much easier to recognize than an emotional boundary violation. However, both violations make you vulnerable to harm and may be the underlying cause as to why it is so difficult to feel connected to those we love or stay on the newly embraced path of adapting change in your lifestyle.
A physical violation is when someone strikes you or enters your physical space without an invitation. An emotional violation is much more subtle, such as someone invalidating or judging your feelings or desires. Are you aware when someone invalidates or judges your feelings? Are you aware when someone invalidates what you are saying, or when someone doesn’t listen to your needs and your feelings?
What I often see in my practice is that, most of the time, this is happening so sadly often, that it is hard to recognize in the moment.
Or maybe you are aware and yet you allow it to happen in order to avoid a confrontation because you do feel that you do not have the communication skills to maturely express what you want. Even worse, you may unconsciously deep down, that you don’t deserve equal respect.
When you allow this type of relationship in your life it means you are unconsciously, in alignment with that person’s abusive actions and you are also most likely doing it to yourself by judging your own feelings or ignoring your own desires, and/or putting other people’s feelings and desires before your own.
This internal trampling shifts your energy from positive to negative and before you know it you are slipping down the slippery path to “the same ‘old place called “Negative Town”! It is very difficult to feel the general feeling of “wellness” if your feelings are not being validated and healed because the majority of poor eating and lifestyle habits are coming from an emotional place.
I invite you to reflect on the boundaries you hold with others and those you hold with yourself in your own self-care. Remember to stay true to your own heart’s desires and you will be the shining bright lighthouse holding the light for everyone else who is looking for happiness, authentic connection, feelings of safety.
If this post resonated with you, you may enjoy the self-mastery coaching sessions at Intentional Wellness. Please contact Susan @ 914-401-9449